WYOGILEE reflects on why this yama is used as an example of how not to hoard material possessions, yet the largest amount of de-cluttering might well be in our emotional house…..

Aparigraha is the last of the Yamas, the yogi spiritual blueprint of behaviour that need restraint. Left to the last by Patanjali I believe because of our very human desire to acquire and own are rewarded everyday by many cultures and many countries.  Don’t have the best house, the best car, half our reality TV  programs would disappear if practiced aparigraha as a community.  Roughly translated, Aparigraha explores ‘non-greed’, ‘non-possessiveness’, and ‘non-attachment’. Most of us hear the saying, let that shit go, well that’s aparigraha in action.

Aparigraha teaches to take only what we need, keep only what serves us in the moment, and to let go when the time is right. 

Well, that’s easier said than done. I confess – I’m a yogi style queen. My passion for all things stylish in shoes and handbags has been transferred to yoga clothes.  My Jimmy Choo stilettos grow mould underneath some yoga mats, my Tory Burch handbag scowls at me for hanging her behind some smelly yoga pants and sports top.

But my yoga stuff?   Has grown like topsy.  How many pairs of shoes do we really need?  How many handbags?  And yoga pants?

I was reminded abruptly of this yama, as I tried to jam another pair of yoga pants into an already stuffed drawer. Taking a long yogi breath, I began my 8 point aparigraha cleanup plan. Felt so much better (although I did suffer anxiety as I watched my Jimmy Choo shoes being taken away). When was the last time you did a good wardrobe clean out?

If you are experiencing rising amounts of anxiety reading this, be kind to yourself – aparigraha is hard in practice. However, practicing this non-attachment yama has a massive psychological benefit if you use it to de-clutter your emotional house. 

Just as you might have a china cup you have used for years, and probably doesn’t work that well any more  – perhaps it has some chips in or the handle has broken off,  all of us have a particular emotion we cling to. It will be an emotion which will nearly always have a narrative – a story the moment we feel it.  We might consider it our favourite emotion, or it might not be our favourite emotion, but still, there’s that habit of going to it before any other feeling.  And it’s hit it use by date.   Unlike that favourite coffee cup, letting go of favourite emotions no longer serving you is much harder.

You’ve heard it, let it go, but actually how do you do it?

My favourite emotion, that was not serving me well, was happy. Wait, you say, couldn’t we all be much happier?  Maybe, but I would do happy at the expense of real peace and contentment. Always look on the bright side of life, have another drink, a giggle, be humorous, but I would not or could not acknowledge pain, sadness or suffering.  That’s wallowing. That’s for wusses. Definitely do not dig too deep. What was the point? Or so I used to think.

Learning I didn’t need to be happy all the time, allowed years of repressed grief and distress to bubble up (which took time to de-clutter) I was spring cleaning my soul Wyogilee

While we are on that other tough emotion – grief is another to which many of us cling. It runs deep, we are able to express only a fraction of it in public, and we mostly expect it to go away after a time.  In our initial grief phase, community support is strong, even strangers.  Look at social media, there are people making a living from having experienced intense grief. However, and maybe because of this now pervasive support, we will cling to grief so long we lose sight of the reason (ie the person, or being or place) for it in the first place.

I can hear indignation – I should be allowed to grieve for as long as I need to.  Everyone says so.  Well, they do say this, so long as we do not show too much of it in public. After a while.  What really matters is neither public opinion nor social acceptance of an emotion, it is asking yourself this question – is this emotion serving me well now?

It is not serving you when one day, you begin to feel better, and then feel guilty.  When grief has become the major connection to that loved one. You may find yourself losing memories of your dear one, and feel grief about that. Yes, you know in your head, that your loved one’s memory is not the pain of the grief, it lies in your memories of them before the grief.  But heck, it’s hard not to hop on the grief bandwagon when it turns up so regularly.

Letting go of any powerful emotion requires courage. You have to realise the emotion no longer serves you. That you are receiving an unhealthy emotional pay off that you ‘like’. Then you have to go radical and kick it in the butt.  WYogiLee

So knowing that we might have some ‘go to’ emotions that are not serving us right now, and that the plan has to be radical (cos you probably have done some stuff already) here is my 8 step aparigraha emotional clean up plan.

WYYogi’s 8 step aparigraha emotional clean up plan

Spring clean your mental house  Possessions take up space and energy—in your head as well as home. Try this: every time you find yourself going to that emotion, give away or toss out something that represents it.  I gave away all my wine glasses.  I threw out all the love letters, bar two, from a particularly toxic ex (kept the ones that had signs of my growing aparigraha). One at a time.

Technology detox  Get off Facebook, IG or TikTok for one week or longer. They all have algorithms which pick up those things that you go to the most – most of that will probably be feeding that emotion that needs a spring clean.

Spend one day a week without make up (for girls and boys) – let yourself just be. See yourself as you really are.  The only one who will notice are the shop assistants in Mecca.

Practice Breathwork Our unconscious saviour, and pun intended, only a breath away.  When we leverage different breaths, we harness our prana. That energy that heals, nurtures and teaches us to love ourselves. We can rewire our emotional responses through breath.  How magical.  Come see me if you need help.

Choose one element of self-care and practice it fiercely We all know we are meant to take care of ourselves. You know the list, massage, exercise, sit in sunshine. As we spiral into destructive habit patterns (that monkey mind), pick one item of self-care and practice it fiercely.  Once a week, every day.  Whatever the frequency, do not stop!!

Learn to observe – have the feeling but don’t let the feeling have you  Every time you experience that strong emotion, stop, see if you can sit back ‘away’ from it. Learn to describe the feeling without it owning you. Learn to read the signs of what is leading up to that feeling.  Become your personal therapist.  Harnessing the feeling, being able to observe, is manna. The emotion will shrink in size and you will find that your attachment decreases.

Forgive – Forgive yourself first  For everything. Right now.  Every day, any time you start to feel guilt or loss over knowing it is time to move on. Any time you find yourself back THERE, forgive yourself.  Learn to say I forgive you, I love you to yourself EVERY DAY.

Remove the word ‘should’ and ‘must’ from your vocabulary ‘Shoulds’ and ‘musts’ are crazily good at reinforcing our attachment to anything – but particularly emotion.  ‘I should not burden people with my problems’ turns into ‘I don’t have any problems, my life is fantastic’.  Bollocks, we all have trials and tribulations. Make a list of those 3 most important ‘should’ statements that you think rule your life.  Why 3?  Because once you start documenting this ‘should ‘ list, it can get pretty long.

The general theme of all this is ‘non-attachment’.  Why?  Because emotions come and go – forever.  You will never be without love, grief, anger, hurt, sorrow, and hate in your life.  And all the rest of the emotion motley crew.   This clean up plan is not a one off, it’s a lifetime commitment.  Sneaky, huh?

You will notice I have not mentioned meditation or yoga.  These two were the process that kickstarted my highly successfully 8 point aparigraha clean up plan, and are the floor of my spiritual house.

I discovered peace, a deep happiness that instead of shining like the bright afternoon sun, glowed like morning light, when I was able to receive and let go all emotions, as and when I needed to.  They became and still are, my fierce forms of self-care.  All of this is waiting for you when you practice aparigraha.